New blog address... HoldingontoJoshna.blogspot.com

For new updates, check out the new blog using Joshna's name.

Praise God for our sweet precious daughter, Joshna Grace Jones!

It is with great honor, privilege, excitement, and joy we announce the signing of the papers agreeing to adopt Joshna "as our very own." Wow...our very own! Little does she know how our hearts are welling up with so many emotions and so much love! God really is good! If you have seen the photo of our family at the very beginning of this blog, you will notice the date for the dinner we had to celebrate the initial submission of paperwork for the adoption was September 28, 2007. The estimated date Joshna was born...September 29, 2007! Little did we know our daughter was born that same week (and who knows...perhaps even the same day)! Wow, our daughter. How good does it feel to use those words! It is no longer, "The child we hope to adopt." She has a face! She has a name! We are naming her Joshna Grace Jones. God really has shown us all grace during this process and in this life! We are constantly amazed by what He has done, is doing, and will do for all of us. Hopefully we will be reminded of this every time we use Joshna's name. We will call her Joshna the first year or so after she comes home and incorporate "Gracie" during that time so that she will become used to that name as well. This way she will have a choice of an Indian or American name when she is old enough to decide. It is hard to believe the long wait for a referral has happened. Now...the long wait for Joshna to come home....

What's in a name?....Waiting for Godot.

I have searched on every Indian name meaning website and have yet to find a meaning for "Joshne" (pronounced Joe-shna). It really doesn't matter it's meaning because to me, it is incredibly beautiful. I wonder, did her mother name her? Was it a family name? The thought of "Joshne Jones" has a fabulous ring to it...but I am a little biased! It is hard to have no other information. As you can probably guess..."any day now!" When it comes and paperwork becomes official, I will quickly post a photo.

It feels like waiting for Godot. Will she ever come? Will I ever know this precious girl? Once we sign papers, we can send her a small care package. What do you put into what seems like a very miniature box to connect with your child? I want to put my heart and soul. I want for her to know us. I want her to feel comforted and safe, knowing there is a family waiting to bring her home. Does one small "snuggly" sufficiently communicate all of that? Do the other children know that when one child receives a package it means a family wants them? Do they then hurt and long to receive that small box of their own? If I stop to think about it all, it often seems overwhelming. So for now, I think of our child and what I will place lovingly in that box.

What to excpect when you're expecting....an adoption

I am going to write a book: What to Expect When You're Expecting...An Adoption. Basically, it will be summed up with one word--WAIT. You've heard it said before, "No news is good news." Well, in this case no news is very frustrating! We were supposed to have the case file on Joshne at the end of last week or the beginning of this week. It is now the end of this week, and there is still no reply to the messages I have left. Whew...okay, now that I have been able to vent, I feel much better. I am really not upset with the social workers because it is out of their control. I am just anxious to hear any little bit of news about our daughter! I will definitely post something when I hear. Until then....

To tell...or not to tell?

We have been through it before....the excitement of a referral of a child from India. In the excitement of it all, I printed a picture immediately and began thinking of that precious little girl as ours--even if we had not "officially" given the go ahead to proceed in adopting that specific child. Little did I know what was in store for us with my Dad's stroke. I had no idea it was not the right time to adopt, nor was it the child that was meant to join our family. When I did figure that out, it was devastating. Many people had become excited for us. I had to break the news that it was not meant to be. When I receive news this time, I am determined to be much, much more cautious! Not only do I not want to tell anyone right away, I don't want to even tell myself--just in case.

We received some news a couple of days ago from our social worker. While, yes, it was news, I did not quite know what to make of it. Our social worker said there has been a delay due to the orphanage's director's social worker's daughter's wedding (whew!). All of this meant there have been no referrals officially sent to any prospective parents, even if they were waiting to hear "any day now." I called our social worker to find out more details, and received an email from her using the name of this girl. This was the first time I had actually seen her name. It was a very casual use of her name by our social worker--as if I had always known it--but to me it meant the world! I was trying to stay calm...as calm as an expectant mother can be! There were still so many questions I had. Was this girl a referral for us? When would it be official? Could I be excited? I called our social worker and bombarded her with questions, the first of which was, "Is it time that I can become 'officially excited'?" She laughed and said, "Yes. You can now become 'officially excited'."

Here were some of the other questions I asked, along with the answers:

• Is this child going to be referred to our family?....Yes, the paperwork has been sent from India to Journeys of the Heart (JOH). When it reaches there it will be scanned and emailed to our social worker to be reviewed, then emailed to us. This will happen either late this week or early next week.
• From what has been previously mentioned to us, they (JOH) have been considering this child for us for quite some time to make sure it will be a good match for all of us. With this said, does this mean that our family will most likely be saying yes when we receive this referral?.....While the social worker could not answer directly, she was able to indicate that they currently find no medical issues that would be of concern to us at this time. There is some developmental delay, as with most children raised in an orphanage, but we are as prepared as we can be for that.
• If we say yes to adopting this child, what is the time frame of events to follow?....We would send our paperwork to JOH in Oregon. They then send it on to the orphanage in Chennai (at that point in time it may be approximately three weeks). From there it goes to CARA (the central agency in India which approves all adoptions). Thankfully, they are open during monsoon season. It takes them anywhere from one to three months (or more) to give approval for us to adopt this child. Once we have approval from CARA we can get lined up in the courts. The courts do close during monsoon season, but we are hopeful that we will receive approval from CARA right about the time in September when courts reopen. The difficult part is that everyone, even non-adoption cases, all try to get in the court system at the same time. India also has quite a few national holidays during the months of September, October, and November. If all goes well, we could theoretically be traveling to bring home our child in December. (Side note: when I told Ellie this news, she replied, "That would be the BEST Christmas present EVER!")

So what am I to do with all of my feelings? Do I try to stay on the conservative side and guard myself so that no one will know if this referral does not work out, or do I jump for joy at the thought of our daughter--even if it means potentially going through another loss? I have spoken with my sister, and she got on my case to update the blog (even though I have no "official" news). After weighing the options, here is what I determined: if this possibility for adoption does not work out, it will lead us to the child meant for our family. If this adoption does work out, I want our daughter to be able to know how much we all love her and desired to hear about her right away. So here goes....

Her name is Joshne! She is a year and a half old. This is all we know, yet it is enough to know that I already have a deep love for her. I long to hold her in my arms and tell her she is a treasure. She is not alone. She is protected. She is ours! I long to know her story. I long to know her birth family and her heritage. I am heartbroken to know that in her short life she has already experienced loss. I want to thank her birth parents for their sacrifices for her. I want them to know, if they are still living, that this sweet precious child will be lovingly raised and cared for. They will always remain a part of our family's story. It is part of who we are. So in the meantime, I must be patient again and wait. But this time is different. This time I am waiting with a small piece of the puzzle that will be complete at the end of the story many years from now. Right now I will savor this piece and enjoy every minute of it!

Patience in a Bottle

If they sold patience in a bottle, I sure would be the first in line to buy it. Just two minutes ago, however, I learned a little about patience from a bottle! For those who may not drink Kombucha, it is a fermented tea that contains many great benefits for strengthening you body's immunity. I have been drinking it for a while now and am fully aware that if you open a bottle of it too quickly, you run the risk of this drink spewing everywhere! (Trust me...it has happened more than once.) Tonight I was opening a bottle and could tell it was an active one, so I took it slowly. This particular one took longer than most others as I had to let it sit after slightly moving the lid to open, then sit again, then open slightly, then sit....well, you get the point. As I waited and waited, I thought of the similarities of the adoption. We hear one little piece of news, then sit and wait. We hear another bit of news, then wait. So they may not bottle patience, but this particular bottle sure taught me a lesson about my need for it as we wait!

From the Floods...

Last week Nashville went through one of the worst floods we have ever experienced. The news was saying a flood of this nature happens once every 1000 years. We are thankful that our home was not damaged, but many of our good friends were heavily impacted. The water rose 52 feet above flood level and quickly filled basements and homes around town. This past week has been full of people coming together to help each other recover. I could go on and on about this past week, but I am really blogging about the adoption. Being surrounded by so much water, and seeing the entire county (along with four others) come to a halt because of the flood has given me a little insight to what India may experience during monsoon season. For those who are not aware, the Indian government and local transportation is disrupted for a few months during monsoon season (June to August). In the past, I have been known to gripe about the delays in adoptions during that season. I just could not understand why the weather could impact the homecoming of so many children. Now I see. If the floods here could cause such chaos in a developed country with paved roads, how much more chaotic would it be in parts of India where the dirt road turn to deep pits of mud? It has been interesting to read about monsoon season and the impact on the country. About 70% of the annual income of India is from the rural population with farming. Farmers there rely heavily on the heavy rains during monsoon season for their crops. When monsoon season is delayed by even a day, there is a drastic impact on their crops. What to some may seem like an annoyance, to others is their livelihood. The monsoons are a great blessing to the people of India. From it comes food and life. Can the same be said of our floods? Yes. The life of our community has been revitalized because of the devastation. We have come together in a way that would not have happened without the rain. People are expressing their love for each other in their words and actions. I may never have the chance to experience monsoon season in India, but I am grateful to see the hope that can come from such difficult circumstances. I need to remind myself of this as I wait for Asha ("Hope"). While it is difficult, there is hope that it will be okay in the end.

It's Ruff!

This past week has been very difficult. We were told two months ago that it would not be long until a referral. Silly me! I thought that might mean that we would have a referral during our trip to Europe. No...okay, maybe we would have a referral when we arrived home. No...maybe by Easter? By what would have been my grandfather's 101st birthday? By Mother's Day? By the end of the school year? I get myself into trouble by having certain expectations of what life will be like, and these often differ from God's plan. I thought of how great it would be to find out about our child while we were on our trip with my family! Okay, how great it would be for Easter. Okay, at least by Mother's Day. Well, Mother's Day is a week from tomorrow, and I am not expecting any news. I would love to hear something by the time Ellie gets out of school for the summer so that we can tell her class about becoming a big sister. We have a book to read about a child who becomes a big sister through adoption to help explain it to the kids. I really would love to tell the kids about our child and about India, and send each one home with a little card with the information to tell the parents. Tonight it just seemed like we are never going to hear anything, and all of the emotions I have stored up for so long came flooding out in tears. Chip and Ellie had already gone upstairs for the bedtime routine, but they quickly came down when they heard me crying. After we talked about it all, Chip said, "I wonder what Jack would say." Ellie, without missing a beat said,"He would say, 'It's ruff, ruff!'" Whew! Did she ever hit the nail on the head with that one. :) It sure is rough. It will be even harder after we do hear about our child because right now it has been a theoretical child whom we have been hoping to adopt. This child will soon have a real name and face. How much harder will it be when we have to wait for a year or more to have approval from CARA (the Indian organization that approves all adoptions) and get into the court system? Until these happen, however, I will try to take one day at a time and not get ahead of myself. God does has His plan. Do I trust Him? He has shown himself in the small miracles like the news we received on Good Friday after my sister had spent hours on a walk the night before to pray for us to hear something soon. Just yesterday I was talking with my sister about how difficult it is to wait during this time and not have other adoptive families whom we know well to talk with about our frustrations. Today we received an email from a family in the adoption group at our new church who emailed saying they would like to meet us in person. They spoke about the difficulty of waiting for their referral. God knew I needed this right now, and He provided just what I needed for today. I hope I can come back and remember this the next time life gets "ruff!"

The Adoption Process for Our Family

Still no news. People keep asking, yet we have nothing new to report. What I can report is a summary of the process we have been through so far. Typically, the average person has no idea of the steps it takes to adopt internationally. Here is a brief rundown:
* Sept. 2007, started the application for our first agency and submitted by the end of the month (this entailed pages of background information and questions on our thoughts and abilities to adopt an child internationally)
* Oct.- May 2007, busy working with our local social worker at Miriam's Promise for our home study, and busy compiling a dossier (set of official papers) to be sent to India after receiving the referral of a child, all of which need notarization--this includes bank statements; employment letters; criminal background checks with the city, state (including any states where we have resided since turning 18), and nation; health documents from our physicians, including Ellie's pediatrician; letters of reference....the list goes on and on
* March 30, 2007, submitted our application with the US government (I-600A) to adopt a child from India--two days prior to the entire system shifting to a new set of guidelines, known as the Hague Convention (now with the I-800 form, one which is much more extensive)
* May-June 2007, after months of waiting, we began having issues about the antidepressant medication that I, Betsy, was taking; unfortunately, there is still a stigma with depression in India--often those taking medication (even such a small dose as myself) are viewed in the same cast system as the insane, therefore making me unfit to parent (despite currently successfully parenting Ellie--in part, because of the medication I am taking!)
* June 2007, received good and bad news...the bad, that we could no longer adopt from India with the agency we had been using; a few days after we received the bad news, we received the good news that we had received clearance from the United States government that our application to adopt a child from India had been approved! Talk about irony!
* July 2007 - July 2008, took some much needed time off from the adoption process to grieve the loss of not being able to adopt, while at the same time searching for agencies who were currently working with India and who would allow someone on antidepressants to adopt (many had temporarily closed their programs for India because of the huge changes in international regulations)
* August - October 2008, began work with our second adoption agency...was able to gain acceptance into their program; the social worker at this agency was the same person who had completed the adoption of our cousin, Bharti, from India back in 2001 (in fact, Bharti came home the day Chip and I were married!)....began compiling paperwork for this agency
* September 16, 2008, we received a referral for a little girl...what a great day!
* September 15, 2008, my Dad had a stoke while vacationing in Switzerland (learned of this the day after our referral)
* September 2008, met with the doctor, physical therapist, and psychiatrist at the Vanderbilt International Adoption Clinic to review the case file of the little girl and discovered there may be signs of cerebral palsy, as well as some necessary reconstruction surgery with her jaw...after much prayer and with the unkowns of my Dad's condition, we did not feel it was the right time to adopt, especially someone who would require more care with some special needs
* October 2008, our social worker left the agency, leaving her assistant to take over; soon thereafter the other social worker left as well...I took this as a sign to take another break from the process
* October 2009 - after a year of not knowing where to go, I began researching to see which agencies might accept our application to adopt from India; I was able to track down the social worker we had previously worked with the previous year, she was now working with another agency who would accept our application....so began the adoption process with our third agency
* November 2009 - more paperwork...and have I mentioned the paperwork???
* December 2009 - February 2010, worked with the US government to renew our acceptance to adopt a child from India for one last 18 month term (they grant 18 months, at which time we either choose not to adopt from India or renew our application--we were unsure if we should continue after the previous difficult year and a half, but we were given some assurance by our social worker that we would not only be able to adopt from India but that we would have a referral soon!)
* Feb - April 2010, still waiting! Soon is not soon by my definition...to a waiting mother, soon would have been two years ago...oh well, God has His timing :)

Hopeful News!

It has been a very long month and a half! Chip and I, along with my Dad, sister, and brother-in-law, traveled to Europe to see some very distant relatives in Switzerland. Just prior to leaving for our trip we heard some news from our social worker that there might be a child available for adoption. They have been considering us as a family for this 1 1/2 year old little girl for some time, but she had not been officially cleared for adoption. Our social worker was going to let us know the news as soon as it became clear. Silly me! I thought we might actually hear something while we were away. No, this was not meant to be! Thankfully I picked up the stomach bug at the end of our trip, which lasted three weeks. At least this kept me distracted during this time! Finally I could not keep still and wait any longer, so I began pestering our social worker with phone calls and emails (sorry Jenny!).

The day was Good Friday, a truly good day--not only because Christ died on the cross for all of us hopeless sinners. It was a good day because God once again gave us a sign of hope that we are moving in the right direction toward an adoption from India. This little girl has been cleared for adoption! How great is our God! This Easter week is full of hope and promise at what God has done, is doing, and will continue to do for us! At a time when the waiting on this adoption was starting to wear me down and discourage me, God sent some hopeful news. I think of the timing of God's plan throughout history. Weren't His people worn down in Egypt for generations? Weren't they worn down wandering in the desert for 40 years? Weren't they worn down waiting for Him to come to this earth? God showed His mercy by helping them through those times. He is patient. He is faithful. He is good. He has created us and knows His plan for our family. Will He not be faithful to us also? As much as I want to become excited about the possibility of adopting this girl, I know I need to remain cautious. God knows the child for us. I am just grateful that He is currently showing us a positive sign that we are moving closer to our child every day. Until then, I will try to remain patient and trust in Him!

My First Blog!

Yes, it is a miracle! The person you least expect to be blogging is now a blogger. I do not check emails. I do not do facebook. I do not twitter. Why would I all of a sudden start blogging? My heart has been full for such a long time with so much emotion about this process that we started 2 1/2 years ago. It just seemed like the right time to let people know what we have been going through and to keep updates on the progress...slow as they may be!

The web address I chose is "holding on to asha," meaning hope in Hindi. From the beginning, instead of calling the child that will join our family "the child that will join our family," we have used a nickname--Asha. We initially requested a girl, so the name Asha was appropriate, as it is a popular name for Indian girls. We also have felt for many years a strong call from God to adopt. We believe that despite many obstacles, God will bring a child into our family through adoption. We have hope that He will accomplish His plan! As discouraging as it can be at times, we know we can trust Him and hope in Him. When we did some work to our home, we had Ellie write her name in the mortar with the date. In that same mortar reads, "Hope." I know that there will be another child in our family some day, and that name set in concrete along side Ellie's is a sign that we are confident of this. The child that joins our family (hereby known as "Asha"--until we know if it is a boy) has every bit as much permanency as Ellie in our hearts and in our home--even our mortar! So here we go...the story of bringing home Asha.